Monday, September 23, 2013

Getting Closer...


My 20-mile tempo run is DONE! I actually ran a bit faster than I thought I could averaging 6:23/mi. Looping around Central Park 3x and carrying legs that really didn't feel like running anything faster than 8:00/mi but the workout was successful and as hard as it was, it definitely made me think I have the ability to run an amazing race in 3 weeks. This year, I've gotten faster. I've improved but my 2 marathons went horribly wrong and now, I have number 3, my last and final attempt to salvage a great time.

I hate that I have so much pressure riding on this race though it's the nature of the beast. My training has never gone better. I've hit all my mileage, big runs, hard runs. I've given it my all. Never hesitated (except for this morning as I still have a bit of a 20-mile hangover so yes, procrastinating). Everything is ticking away beautifully. Mommy-hood is a blast. I'm feeling like all things are in order. I'm giddy, nervous, excited. To some it is just a race, to me, it is about proving something to myself. You have to fight for running success. It can't be handed to you, it can't be bought, it can't be easy. It is the most bare, stripped down form of self expression and human energy. If I cross the line and hit a major PR, that's mine. It's a number but a number that says your moving forward or backwards...a number that says that the work has paid off or not...a number that says getting even faster is a possibility. It is testing the limits of your body, how fast? How hard? How much can I handle?


So many say that they sacrifice everything to get their dreams but the key for me is not to have to sacrifice everything so that I can have everything. I mean, I only have so much time to give and would never trade it back. My life is blessed and it is a delicate balance but this balance is what pushes me forward. I am a wife, mom, writer, recipe creating, fruit and veggie loving adventurer that can't imagine a life without running...it is in my blood. It really is about proving that things are worth fighting for and when I cross that finish line, whether I am victorious or broken, I will be back to fight again because that is only one way to live - to live by experiencing and hurting and progressing. I don't want to ever feel so comfortable in life that I fail to experience those moments when you truly feel a alive. Nervous butterflies, pounding heart, flying through the trees, burning muscles, tears of joy and pain, laughter, giddy excitement, imagination. This is my life and in 3 weeks, I'll have my 2 boys saying mama go get it. I'll try. I'll give it everything and hopefully the clock will let me rejoice in all the sacrifice though the greatest thing about a bad day is that the fire will burn even greater! I'm pumped. Time to run....

0 comments: