Monday, June 6, 2011

Pregnancy Surprises

Pregnancy has brought many funny little surprises my way and last night, was possibly the most exciting of all and if not exciting then let’s just say extremely embarrassing. Again, I share these stories with you not for sympathy but simply for the fact that if I cannot laugh at these matters then I will surely cry.

So, yesterday I started my long journey home from my parent’s cabin. The easiest way (if you would like to call it easy) is to jump in the car for a 2 hour drive to a small little airport, fly to Minneapolis for a 3 hour layover then fly into LaGuardia only to find a 1h20min. taxi line and once actually in the taxi, one would think it is simply an uneventful ride home…nope. Here is where pregnancy surprises step right in and deliver me a fun new case of motion sickness mostly experienced in planes especially during bouts of turbulence and back of cars. Yesterday was no different. I had to do some deep breathing and praying on the mini 2-prop plane over to Minnesota and through the large rough patch over to NYC again the stomach took a double turn. I just closed my eyes hoping the end was near. The good news was I made it through wishing I never had to fly on a plane again until this baby is out.

Onto the taxi and after a large amount of watermelon (sounded good at the time)…a few accelerations, stop and goes, and veers in an out of traffic – I was completely green though nothing overly significant. I had been in this position a million times before and usually can deep breathe my way out of it and once my feet are on solid ground, all is right with the world again. Well, within a split second and thankfully directly in front of my apartment building, I projectile vomited all over the back of the cab. Yes, things on the inside wanted to be on the outside and there was absolutely no vomit forewarning simply a OH SH*T moment and out it went. I was completely, absolutely mortified. The cab driver was disgusted and rightly so. I just kept apologizing and apologizing and apologizing…I think at one point I tried to explain I was pregnant and the baby obviously hates your driving but nothing I said really mattered as there was quite a bit of human secretion surrounding my general vicinity. I frantically called mike and said, we need some paper towels and fantastic asap! Clean up on aisle 7! Of course, Mike thought I had to be joking and while I stared helplessly at upchucked watermelon on my leg, I started to cry saying I am not joking and that baby buttons is in so much trouble (disciplining starts early in this house). I never know how Mike remains so calm. He comes downstairs, strolls across the street, and simply says it’s a little vomit, big deal. I proceed to scrub the entire back of this guy’s taxi still rambling through about 5 million sorrys and then give him a 10$ tip telling him to erase what I look like as to not elicit any poor memories in the near future.

So, Mike gets to walk back into our building with paper towels, a bottle of febreze, a bag of vomit and a mortified, blotchy faced, vomit still on her pants wife and all he says is Kate…you know Pete, he vomited in a taxi. I said Mike, Pete was at least drunk – I have to remember all of this. Oh yes, pregnancy how I love thee.